Awkward!

I almost feel a little sheepish about some of the feedback I've been getting from soooo many people: both fans and professionals alike. It's really awkward for me to receive such uplifting optimism and complimentary criticism on my work. I've said before that I am much more experienced at receiving rejection than I am acceptance. It is more natural for me to be denied and to feel heartache than for me to be rejoicing.

(Now, don't let this post stop you from talking to me or saying nice things to me or becoming my FB fan or inviting your friends or leaving me awesome compliments or anything else. It's all VERY, VERY welcome, just don't take it persoanlly if I give you the "deer in the headlights" look when you say something nice or flattering to me. It's nothing about you. It's just a normal reaction for me and it only takes me a second or so to come out of my comatose-like shock...)

I was on tour with a professional fireside group yesterday when I was asked about my music. They were shocked to hear the way everything was falling into place (I understood perfectly. I'm in shock every day!) But I told them, "I have such a hard time accepting that so much good has come. I'm just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me or for something bad to happen. That's what I'm used to." They laughed and told me to NEVER, EVER think that way. I learned a lesson.

So, they lavished me with compliments (awkward), became my FB fans (awkward) and are now telling their friends (awkward) to tell their friends (awkward) about me. Why is it awkward? Simply because it's only me. It's ONLY ME! It's me, Audrey Bandley, goofy girl with terrible luck. It's me-the one who snorts when I'm tired and I laugh. It's me-the one who splurges on brownie milkshakes and onion rings. It's me-giant, asthmatic nerd who rode the ambulance during her 1st 5K run. It's only me-the same me who rarely wears anything other than jeans, flip-flops, t-shirts and ponytails. I mean, it's not like I'm superbulously fabulous or enormously wealthy (like, um, not EVEN close) or glamourously photographic. It's me. Simple, plain, basic, normal, generic not-so-little me. That is why it's awkward.

I'm not used to being treated like someone special. I'm not used to people thinking I'm "cool". I'm used to being the person in the background, the one who makes things happen, not the one things are happening to. It's just a massive change for me, that's all. I guess I'd better get used to it, if I'm going to accept the fact that my life is going somewhere big. But, for now, I find it all a wee bit awkward.